soon and very soon

I'll be in London in 11 days!
This is amazing!
I hope I love it as much this time as I did last time. It will be nice to be around all new people, all different kinds of people. I think that was one of my favorite parts last time. All the wonderful bi-racial couples, just like my parents. I guess I didn't realize how rare their combination is until I was around many more people in relationships of that combination. I just felt I belonged there. Too bad Dad doesn't want to move back...
Oh, And this time I get to come home afterwards instead of going straight back to Wheaton Bubble. I think someone needs to pop the Wheaton Bubble. I think it would be pretty traumatic if that happened though. I guess I'll have to just break out of the bubble and go my own way then. That's cool too. I can handle that. One more yea and then I do break out for real. It's exciting and scary. It seems like just yesterday that I was a Freshman with all these high hopes and dreams and now I'm an old Junior who's been hit in the side of the head with the "reality brick". Am I really considered an adult? And if I don't believe it who on earth will?
Okay I really don't like this piece I'm listening to. It's by Druckman, called Prism, and it's just spastic and atonal! Blah.
I would be really cool to play for movie sound tracks and for operas maybe. Or theatre or the ballet or opera. I should go to grad school in New York so I'll have all that at my fingertips. Yeah there's alot of competition, but you gotta be positive right?

...hi Mom...

"...cause when love is gone...there's always justice...and when justice is gone...there's always force...and when force is gone...there's always Mom, hi Mom! So hold me Mom...in your long arms...so hold me Mooooom...in your automatic arms...your electronic arms...in your arms...so hold me Moooom...in your long arms...your petrocanicanical arms..."

Do you have words? I have no words. I sure don't have any words for this song. Ladies and Genlemen...Laurie Anderson.

good times

Monkeybirds: Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob-
Malcolm: Malcolm.
Monkeybirds: Bob, Bob, Bob.


Hahahahahahaha! What a movie.

Let it gooo let it gooooo let it gooooooo

That's my new motto.

After a wonderful 2 1/2 long dinner date with my future roommate I have decided the best way to handle specific situations in life when they emerge is to just
let them go.
Sometimes my imagination is my downfall and it takes my imaginary life down this road it wasn't anywhere near going down in the first place.

Hmmm, I'm being ambiguous. Well there's a time and a place for everything. Ambiguity being one of those things. haha.

Listening to a piece by Boulez called Le Marteau sans Maitre. Not as bad as the Eight Songs For A Mad King but still not my cup of tea.
I discovered there was a rap concerto written. Yup. By Gregory Walker. AND. He's mixed. What do ya know. I haven't heard it but the concept is pretty awesome.
So I am getting locks after all. Well...at least as of right now I'm getting them. I should find out more about them first. Do a lil research.

Speaking of doing research. I finished my paper on Electro-Acoustic Music Developments in Europe. I could have done a much better job and included way more information. I think that paper should have been way longer. Like 15-20 pages and not just 10. Wow. I can't believe I actually just admitted that. But it's true.

So two of my goals in life are to become fluent in French (or Spanish) and to become a painter. Not a professional painter, but just a painter. Oh and I want to go snowboarding. And maybe sky-diving too. I should make a real list. But I seriously want to try to be a DJ. Really. I've wanted to for a while now. How cool would that be? Making music away from the violin. Can I handle that??

beneath the starry sky...

...the elephant sat.

So I've been in a strange mood lately.
Ever since my Jnior recital was over on Tuesday
(which went very well by the way).

The art I've been creating lately is a sure sign
that something different is stirring in me.
It's strange.
It's just coming out of me like it has to,
like I have no choice but to move my hands where they feel to go.
It's all abstract, and yet, strangely satisfying.
Beauty has changed form in my eyes.
It's not all sunshine and flowers,
smooth tonal music and pure harmony,
smiles and laughing.
Beauty is in the shadows,
in the strong overpowering wind,
in the grey clouds and in thunder.
It's in pain.
Or rather, in the emergence of hope
after pain dissipates.
Beauty is imperfect.

I can't describe these changes.
There's a letting go,
a "hands off" sense I can't contend with.
I don't want to contend with it.
I want to keep my hands off,
or at least loosen my grip on life
and let go of the form I think it should take.
Let go of the shapes I think it should make.
See it purely for what it is and be in it.
Be fully in what life really is,
not waiting every day
for the picture of life I've created in my head to emerge.

Where is this process taking me I wonder?

the words of a French man

“I’ve always considered music as a language, a form of communication, rather than an art. I work in solitude, and try to find ways of communicating, of making myself understood.” –Pierre Henry
Well said. Although I would argue that music is a form of art as well as a language. An artful language if it were.